When I was in high school Algebra was not my thing. I could not get the concept of FOIL to save my life. It’s not that I didn’t like math – I actually do – but the concepts and formulas never stayed in my brain long enough for my brain to translate anything into a language that made sense. When I took Algebra II two years later, though, things started clicking. FOIL made total sense and I kept thinking why couldn’t I understand it before? I have discovered over the years that this is how my brain works. I have to be taught things twice before they really cement in my head.
This has become very apparent to me during my student teaching. As awful as student teaching had been for me the first time around, I am now realizing all the mistakes I made and how some of them were really dumb. Like ending class five minutes early and then trying to get the students’ attention again right before the bell rang to give them their homework assignment. My CT kept telling me not to do it that way. Give them their assignments before you lose them but I couldn’t get it. I know this sounds like an incredibly stupid thing to do and now I realize it, too. For whatever reason, there were a lot of things that did not stick that first time around. I knew after that first experience that a lot of what went wrong was my fault, though the communication issues were largely not. I had so much to learn.
This second time around I have learned so much and a lot of it has to do with the fact that the first time went so horribly. NEVER give student free time. This is not just because your class room will dissolve into chaos but a teacher who gives a lot of free time is also seen by students as a teacher who doesn’t know what he/she is doing. This time around I give my students quick writes, usually with questions to think about in regards to the lesson and what they understood and things they learned. This does three things: lets the students really think about what they understand, lets you know what as a class they are not getting, AND gets the students to write. And it helps eat time at the end of a class. So four things. Four great things.
I have also learned that middle schoolers will not eat me alive as I was told they would. They will not walk all over me. I have also learned that teaching at a school that is made up of mostly struggling students is not where my talent lies nor is it something I particularly want to do. I wish I could be a better person and say I want to help students who are truly struggling but there you go. BUT I can say this knowing something VERY important: I am not good enough to work in that setting yet. I am very passionate and I know subject but I do not have the skills to work with students who are struggling in to the point of failing and also have behavior issues. My aunt taught special education for 30 years and she had the skills. I know one day I will be close to as awesome as she was but that day is not in the next year. Knowing what I cannot do has been just as helpful as knowing what I can’t do.
I have learned that I am a better teacher than I thought. I was ready to give up at the end of my undergraduate program. I have told people this and I don’t think they really believe me. I was in such an awful place that I had zero confidence in my ability. I thought I sucked at discipline which is why my students weren’t learning because there was always distraction in the classroom. But then I was helping with the summer drama program and I became the disciplinarian. What? The kids listened to me when I had to lay down the law but they still liked me. Now with my middle schoolers I find it’s the same thing. It also helps that my new CT has a defined discipline policy which my other CT did not. This makes all the difference in the world and I have already told him I am stealing it.
There is still a lot I am learning about myself and my teaching. This time around I have the support I lacked the first time and I feel freer to make mistakes and not feel like I am destroying America’s youth every time I don’t do something just right. I’ve actually been told by teachers who have subbed while I was teaching that I was really good and they could tell I would be a great teacher. One even said I was good with discipline! I have heard my new CT say to other teachers how well I handled filling in for him. Most of my students like me and were worried when I said I wouldn’t be back this year because they thought that meant the whole school year. I was touched and so happy that I would be missed.
Teaching is a learning process that never ends. Much like life. Yes, cliché but no less true.
No comments:
Post a Comment