Getting Older

Everyone gets older. Not a whole lot anyone do about it no matter how much Botox you use or plastic surgery you get. In the end, we’ll be pushing up daisies. I’ve been thinking a lot about getting older lately. At my house right now – I should say my family’s house – there is me, my parents, and my brother and sister-in-law. Under this one roof we have three different stages of life.

There’s me, the grad student who will soon be going out into the real world. I am not dating anyone but am perfectly happy to be that way until the right person comes along. I have a job at a retail store in the next town over. I have a car payment. Other than school, job, and a car I have no real responsibility in my house. I mean, I do the trash – most of the time – and do dishes, help clean the house but outside of chores I do not have to worry about paying rent, buying groceries, or even gas. Then you have my brother and sister-in-law. They have been married for little over a year now. They started out married life in Chicago and then because it’s hard to find jobs that also allow you to pursue your theatre passion – among other reasons – they ended up moving back here to live with us because my brother knew he would be able to find theatre work in the area. I’m not pretending to know everything about my brother and sister-in-law and the ins and outs of their marriage but this is the situation as far as I see it. This is not where they thought they would be right now. Watching the two of them, it seems clear to me they are unhappy, not to say that they mope about the house but like I said, this is not where they thought they would be after a year of marriage. My brother is looking at grad school now. The plan is to mot be here at the end of the year. And then there’s my parents who have been working for the last 30 years or so and are beginning to think about retiring. My dad is in his 60s and Mom is not too far away. They are beginning to think about retirement but with one child in grad school – which they are paying for – and another living at home as well, it would seem that is far in the future. My dad spends a lot of time being frustrated with his job. This is not to say that he doesn’t like his job but let’s just say retirement could not come too soon. My mom loves her job, loves what she does. It’s clear that neither of them thought they would be living with their daughter, son, and daughter-in-law in the same house at this point but for the most part they have been very supportive. There has been the occasional problem, mostly stemming from miscommunication. The big problem I see is that the five of us are all at different points in our lives. My parents have been adults for a long time, my brother and sister-in-law are adults but trying to figure out to be independent adults, and I’m an adult but not really quite there yet.

Added to this is the fact that my Mom’s mother is 88 years old. She lives in the one of the neighboring towns and while she lives on her own in an apartment she is very quickly getting to the point where living on her own will not be an option within the next few years. Physically, she is doing very well for 88. She has some circulation problems in her feet and is not as thin as she once was but overall not bad. Mentally is another issue. She’s been very depressed all of her life. Her childhood, while it makes for wonderful stories, was fairly traumatic and she never really got over it. She forgets what you tell her and then deny the conversation ever happen, which to her it did not. She goes to doctors’ appointments without my mother because she doesn’t want Mom to know how bad she is but then can’t remember what the doctor said exactly and usually has some story about how awful it was. She has changed doctors for various reasons, not all of them unfounded, ever since she moved down here about 10 years ago. She calls Mom at work every day, usually crying over something that is not the important but to her it is because right now her world is very small. She has a cat who she is convinced is losing weight but has in fact only dropped two ounces in the last year. It’s the healthiest cat I have ever seen and no cat is more loved. My mom has become the sole caretaker for my grandmother since my aunt and uncle had to move up north for business reasons. Every day Grandma asks when they’re coming back and every day we tell her that they will come back when they have done what they need to do but that answer is never good enough.

My dad’s parents are on the other spectrum of old age. While my grandfather is same age as my mom’s mother he both physically and mentally healthy. My dad’s mother has lost a ton of weight within the last decade and has helped my grandfather maintain a healthy lifestyle. My dad’s family has a history of heart problems and my grandfather has had two or three in his life. One was after he was told about my little brother dying which was very scary. My grandmother has battled breast cancer and has been healthy for over a decade. I am always amazed at how fabulous they look every time I see them. They are a very stark contrast to my mom’s mother.

All of this, my brother and sister-in-law, my grandparents, has made me think more and more about what exactly my plan for life is. I know I want to teach and write but the thought of even interviewing for a job terrifies me. Being financially responsible is not something that worries me believe it or not. Having a car payment has made me aware of this fact. I can handle it. Last year made me dread teaching, to the point where I was wondering whether or not it was something I could do. Now, while I am still not 100% sure of my ability, I feel like grad school is preparing far better than undergrad ever did. This is not to say that I didn’t have great teachers but senior year was rather horrible.

I remember thinking when I was little that I would never get to where I am right now. Being adult was so far in the future that it might as well never happen. Now I am here and I am surrounded by examples of what I have to look forward to when I get there. Even though I know there are difficult times to come I also know that good times are on the way, too. I realize I am further along than I thought I was. This realization brought on by people I have had classes with who are on the same track as me. I know I can do it. I am exercising again and after very horrible summer for me I am back on medication. I’m crazy or anything but when I started college I was about 75 pounds thinner than I am right now and realizing that was a wakeup call. My little depression was keeping me from being happy and healthy to the point that people were noticing, especially my mom who has always been more aware of me than I think. Thanks to my “happy pills” I have lost weight and begun exercising again. I started this blog with an entry about losing weight and I feel I am back where I began. Sometimes we have to start a few times before we really get going.

So I’m getting older. The people around me are getting older and while we are not all where we want to be, we’re getting there. One start at a time.